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Why does your partner's emotional distance sometimes make you so angry? Perhaps you feel frustrated when they don't respond, hurt when they seem uninterested in talking, or upset when they need space just when you need closeness the most. You might find yourself criticizing, bringing up past arguments, asking the same questions, or pushing for a conversation that never seems to happen. And the more your partner pulls away, the more desperate you feel to get through to them. But have you ever wondered what's happening underneath your anger? Sometimes, what looks like anger is actually hurt…

Living well with ADHD often has less to do with trying harder and more to do with letting go of habits that quietly work against you. Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder affects how the brain manages attention, time, motivation and emotion. Most advice focuses on what to add: planners, apps, routines. But many of the people I work with find real relief when they stop doing a few things that keep them stuck. Here are eight common traps, and what to try instead. 1. Don't rely on willpower or memory alone ADHD is not a willpower problem, so willpower is rarely the fix. Working memory, the…

When people come to counselling because of anger, they often describe it as something that simply takes over. One moment they are fine, and the next they have said or done something they wish they could take back. What tends to get lost in those moments is a simple question: what was the anger trying to accomplish? Anger rarely shows up at random. It is a protective emotion, and it usually arrives with a job to do. Looking at that job, rather than only at the outburst, can change the way we understand our own reactions. In my experience, three purposes come up again and again. Evening the…

The push and pull of wanting emotional connection while protecting ourselves from the vulnerability it brings. Some people deeply desire emotional connection, affection, and security, yet when intimacy begins to develop, they feel an urge to withdraw, question the relationship, or create distance. They want closeness, but closeness can also feel frightening. They may fear abandonment while simultaneously feeling uncomfortable with emotional dependence. This experience is often associated with fearful-avoidant attachment, also known as disorganized attachment in discussions of adult…

When we think about substance use, we often focus on the substance itself. But in my work as a counsellor, I find that a big part of what keeps people stuck is something less visible: the beliefs we develop about what a substance does for us. In this post and the short video below, I use drinking as an example, but the same ideas can apply to many kinds of substance use. How beliefs about drinking develop Many people come to rely on drinking as they form beliefs about how it supports them. Over time, those beliefs can make certain situations feel harder to face without it. Two of the most…

Most of us have a running commentary in our heads, and it tends to get loudest when something goes wrong. For some people that voice is fairly gentle. For others it is harsh, quick to judge, and surprisingly personal. In my work as a counsellor, I often find that the harshest inner voices have roots that go back to childhood. When a mistake becomes an identity Shame-based thinking is what happens when the things we do, or the things that happen to us, start to feel like statements about who we are. The shift is subtle, but it changes everything: "I made a mistake" quietly becomes "I'm a…

What if the parts of yourself you have tried to change are where your greatest strengths live? For many people, growing up means receiving constant signals that the way you think, feel, or move through the world needs fixing. Maybe you were told you were too sensitive, too easily distracted, too intense, or just too much. To protect yourself, you probably learned to watch everyone else closely, quiet your natural reactions, and hide the parts of you that stood out. After years of doing that, something subtle happens: you stop questioning whether those external expectations make sense, and you…

Life can sometimes feel overwhelming. We find ourselves juggling endless responsibilities, commitments, and expectations, feeling as though there is so much to do but never enough time. Other times, we may have plenty of free time, yet feel uncertain about how to spend it meaningfully. We scroll through social media, fill our schedules with random activities, or simply move through the day without a clear sense of direction. We often assume that better time management means becoming more productive, more organized, or more efficient. But what if we've been asking the wrong question? Instead of…