Blog

Why does your partner's emotional distance sometimes make you so angry? Perhaps you feel frustrated when they don't respond, hurt when they seem uninterested in talking, or upset when they need space just when you need closeness the most. You might find yourself criticizing, bringing up past arguments, asking the same questions, or pushing for a conversation that never seems to happen. And the more your partner pulls away, the more desperate you feel to get through to them. But have you ever wondered what's happening underneath your anger? Sometimes, what looks like anger is actually hurt…

Living well with ADHD often has less to do with trying harder and more to do with letting go of habits that quietly work against you. Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder affects how the brain manages attention, time, motivation and emotion. Most advice focuses on what to add: planners, apps, routines. But many of the people I work with find real relief when they stop doing a few things that keep them stuck. Here are eight common traps, and what to try instead. 1. Don't rely on willpower or memory alone ADHD is not a willpower problem, so willpower is rarely the fix. Working memory, the…

Understanding The Body’s Protective Systems Protective systems in the body can manifest in multiple ways, such as anxiety, avoidance, and people-pleasing. Simply put, this is your nervous system’s way of keeping you safe. We often think of anxiety, avoidance, shutting down, or people-pleasing as problems to fix. But what if these responses aren’t actually problems at all? What if they’re protection? This blog is about helping you learn how to understand and work with these responses in therapy. What Are Protective Systems in the Nervous System? Your nervous system is always working in the…

Usually, two is company, and there’s a crowd, except, in couples counselling, there’s always “a shadow of a third person,” a phrase of Esther Perel’s (Perel, 2016), in every couple’s problem, which, in family systems theory, is called an emotional triangle. Shadows can come from the past, often those of parents or siblings, when a partner unwittingly imitates them when emotions run high, just as a partner might have related to their family (or vice versa!) as a child. Sometimes, living people cast the shadow. Maybe the shadow is your child’s when your partner takes their side when they want…

Feeling Unsure About Therapy? You’re Not Alone Maybe you’ve thought about therapy but held back. Maybe you’re unsure if it’s the right fit or have heard things that made you skeptical. The truth is, you’re not alone in feeling this way. Many people hesitate to reach out because of common myths and misunderstandings about what therapy really is. These myths can make therapy seem scary, ineffective, or only for people with “big” problems. If you’ve ever caught yourself thinking “therapy isn’t for me” or “I don’t need that,” this post is here to gently challenge those beliefs and open the door to…

How's parenting going for you these days? If you're finding it easy that's great. Some people find parenting comes easily to them. Others find it pretty challenging. Especially this day in age with anxiety in our kids reaching maximum levels. How do you manage your child or teen's anxiety? Are you able to be present and not take it on? Or does it ruin your mood when your child is having a hard time? It's totally normal and expected to not be thrilled when your kids are down. You love them and want to protect them. Do you often take on their emotions too deeply though? To the point where your…

In today's world of smartphones, tablets, and instant gratification, we are witnessing a crisis in frustration tolerance. Technology has revolutionized our lives, making everything faster and more accessible—but at what cost? While adults may struggle with patience in the face of rapid digital convenience, the impact on young children is even more profound. Their developing brains are being wired for immediacy, leaving them ill-equipped to manage delay, disappointment, and emotional regulation. The Effects on Young Minds Childhood is a critical period for developing emotional resilience. In…

Do you notice you are thinking (and caring) too much about what others are doing? Do you change often change your behaviour due to the influence of others? Are you cutting off friends due to their differing beliefs or values? Do you let your parents' comments influence your opinion of your romantic partner? Enmeshment is a psychological term that describes a blurring, or lack of, boundaries between people. Many times it occurs in families. Adult children engage in behaviours they don't want to because of their feelings of guilt about what their parents will think of them. Having an opinion…

It might seem like a stretch to think that experiences with your caregiver that happened as early as day one...or even hour one...of life, would influence how you might experience relationships as an adult. Those non-verbal cues like eye contact, your caregiver's tone, their presence (consistent or otherwise), whether they held you, hugged you, and so many other interactions all affected future relationship. That's not intended to sound ominous but more, to help you possibly understand how some of the strengths or maybe vulnerabilities within your relationships now, might be influenced. If…

It is common and understandable to have reactions to "parts work". It is becoming a common way of working with trauma and family dysfunction that has been made popular by Internal Family Systems (IFS). I use it a lot in my work with people. Common reactions are - I don't have parts, I am just me, or that parts are not real; we imagine them. There may be other reactions. One that comes up for me (even though I work in this way) is that I don't like to go along with the latest fad and that nothing is new. So, I want to put IFS into perspective and discuss how we might see a "part."…