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Introduction I often hear clients use the term “gaslighting” incorrectly. This confuses and makes it hard to tell when it is really happening. In this post, I will explain the difference between gaslighting and defensive ways people communicate in relationships. To be clear, I call the person who gaslights the “perpetrator” and the partner being gaslit the “survivor.” Identifying gaslighting You may wonder if someone in your life is gaslighting you, or someone close to you might have accused you of it. Here are the key features of gaslighting: It's a pattern, not a single incident, within a…

Addiction rarely affects just one person. It changes entire families. And when that happens, everyone deserves the chance to heal. If someone you love is struggling with addiction, chances are you didn't begin by looking for education. You began by looking for hope. You may have spent countless nights lying awake, wondering what happened to the person you love. You've probably tried reasoning, pleading, rescuing, setting limits, making excuses, and blaming yourself. You've searched for answers, read books, listened to experts, and wondered if there was anything—anything at all—you hadn't tried…

I want to say, plainly and clearly, right at the beginning, none of these reactions or relationships or behaviours are anyone's "fault," but they can be so difficult to be around. Often, what I hear are terrified people. Many times, it's not the person struggling directly, but the people around them who are watching them drown and getting pulled under. People close to the person are almost too close and have heard "I'm sorry" or "I'll change" too many times. It's hard to keep finding compassion for where someone is at when seeing the same behaviours and feeling the tension of tiptoeing around…

By Steven Keeler, RCC You may have grown up learning that being a man meant giving until there was nothing left, staying calm no matter what was actually happening inside, and earning your place through what you accomplished rather than who you are. If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Here's what commonly gets lost along the way, why it tends to show up in the body as much as in your relationships, and what you can start doing about it today. The Bargain You Might Have Grown Up With Many men learn early that their worth is something they have to keep earning by giving things up. Give up…

When Kyla (name changed) sat down for our first session, she began by telling me how she became a lawyer. Long before university, Kyla had decided to follow her parents and older brother into law. She earned her degree, passed the bar and joined the family firm, where her brother was already highly regarded. Her parents had long hoped their children would take over the practice. With both at the firm, that dream appeared likely to come true. But it wasn’t Kyla’s dream. Kyla had never wanted to be a lawyer. Becoming one was not the fulfilment of a calling or the pursuit of work she found…

If you experience anxiety, you may know the feeling of your mind working overtime. Maybe you replay conversations long after they happen, worry about things that haven’t happened yet, or find yourself constantly preparing for every possible outcome. Maybe you feel responsible for keeping everything together, or you struggle to relax because a part of you is always waiting for something to go wrong. Living with anxiety can feel exhausting. Many people who come to counselling for anxiety have spent years trying to quiet their thoughts, control their emotions, or “fix” the parts of themselves…

Over the years, I have noticed that many people come to therapy with a question they do not always say out loud: “Will this therapist really understand me?” They are not only asking whether the therapist understands anxiety, depression, grief, or trauma. They are also wondering whether the therapist will understand the life around those struggles. Will they understand my family? Will they respect my faith? Will they understand why setting a boundary feels so difficult? Will I have to explain every cultural expectation before we can even begin? For many people, these questions are deeply…

EMDR therapy has been getting a lot more attention. Maybe you have heard about it from a friend. Maybe you have seen it mentioned in a celebrity interview, a trauma article, a podcast, or a video online. Maybe someone told you, “You should try EMDR,” and now you are wondering what it actually is, whether it works, and whether it might be right for you. The buzz makes sense. Many people are looking for therapy that does more than help them understand why they feel the way they do. They want something to actually shift. Here’s the thing: sometimes understanding where your reactions come from is…

Many people pride themselves on being caring, reliable, and emotionally supportive. They are the person others turn to when they need help, reassurance, or understanding. Being someone who notices others’ needs can be a meaningful strength. But what happens when caring for others begins to come at the expense of caring for yourself? For some people, support slowly turns into responsibility. Someone else’s disappointment feels like a personal failure. Another person’s stress becomes something you need to fix. Conflict feels unbearable because you feel responsible for restoring peace. You may…