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Living well with ADHD often has less to do with trying harder and more to do with letting go of habits that quietly work against you. Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder affects how the brain manages attention, time, motivation and emotion. Most advice focuses on what to add: planners, apps, routines. But many of the people I work with find real relief when they stop doing a few things that keep them stuck. Here are eight common traps, and what to try instead. 1. Don't rely on willpower or memory alone ADHD is not a willpower problem, so willpower is rarely the fix. Working memory, the…

The push and pull of wanting emotional connection while protecting ourselves from the vulnerability it brings. Some people deeply desire emotional connection, affection, and security, yet when intimacy begins to develop, they feel an urge to withdraw, question the relationship, or create distance. They want closeness, but closeness can also feel frightening. They may fear abandonment while simultaneously feeling uncomfortable with emotional dependence. This experience is often associated with fearful-avoidant attachment, also known as disorganized attachment in discussions of adult…

When we think about substance use, we often focus on the substance itself. But in my work as a counsellor, I find that a big part of what keeps people stuck is something less visible: the beliefs we develop about what a substance does for us. In this post and the short video below, I use drinking as an example, but the same ideas can apply to many kinds of substance use. How beliefs about drinking develop Many people come to rely on drinking as they form beliefs about how it supports them. Over time, those beliefs can make certain situations feel harder to face without it. Two of the most…

Do people call you a perfectionist? Are you not sure if that word fits? Often the work perfectionist connotes the idea of being "perfect." So, many people don't relate to the concept if they were not a straight A student. In theory, however, perfectionism falls under the "anxiety" umbrella. Just like OCD or tics or social anxiety are under that umbrella so is perfectionism. This is because perfectionism is a fear. It's a fear of failing. Clients don't often present in office for "perfectionism." What they are coming in for is unrelenting tension. Or dread at going to the office. Or, headaches…

Have you ever felt a prickle of irritation when your therapist asks, “How does that make you feel? Where do you feel that in your body?” If so, you’re not alone. Many people feel frustrated when therapy seems to focus on emotion instead of quickly “fixing the problem.” But from a somatic therapy perspective, emotions are not a distraction: they’re often the most direct pathway to healing, clarity, and lasting change. Although focusing on emotion may feel like a detour, it’s often the fastest way to understand why your feelings feel so distressing and what they are actually trying to…

Emotional Reactivity Starts in the Nervous System We’ve all had less than sparkling moments. We snap at our children, lose it in traffic, and yell at our partner. To protect our self-esteem, we blame emotional blow-ups on our mood, or on someone else “because they should have known better.” Afterward, regret and even guilt set in. We think, “What’s wrong with me? I should be able to manage my anger. I’m a bad…(fill in your favourite self-criticism). But here’s the surprising truth: emotional blow-ups may not be just about willpower or “bad moods.” Your body may be hijacking your higher…

Emotional Reactivity Starts in the Nervous System We’ve all had less than sparkling moments. We snap at our children, lose it in traffic, and yell at our partner. To protect our self-esteem, we blame emotional blow-ups on our mood, or on someone else “because they should have known better.” Afterward, regret and even guilt set in. We think, “What’s wrong with me? I should be able to manage my anger. I’m a bad…(fill in your favourite self-criticism). But here’s the surprising truth: emotional blow-ups may not be just about willpower or “bad moods.” Your body may be hijacking your higher…

Have you ever had a feeling that something wasn't quite right, only to immediately question yourself? Maybe you noticed a change in someone's tone of voice. You walked into a room and could feel the tension before anyone said a word. You knew you were reaching your limit at a social gathering, but wondered if you were being antisocial. Or you had a strong feeling about a decision, only to talk yourself out of it. Maybe I'm overthinking this. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. Maybe it's not a big deal. Everyone else seems fine. Why can't I just handle it? If you're a highly sensitive person (HSP)…

If you’re a highly sensitive person, you may be especially familiar with the exhaustion of constantly thinking about other people’s needs. You notice when someone’s tone changes. You sense tension in a room before anyone says there is a problem. You might feel uncomfortable when someone is disappointed, frustrated, or upset with you—and find yourself working hard to make those feelings go away. Perhaps you say yes when you want to say no. You avoid difficult conversations. You apologize automatically. You change your mind, your preferences, or your plans to accommodate others. And afterward…