Blog

When people come to counselling because of anger, they often describe it as something that simply takes over. One moment they are fine, and the next they have said or done something they wish they could take back. What tends to get lost in those moments is a simple question: what was the anger trying to accomplish? Anger rarely shows up at random. It is a protective emotion, and it usually arrives with a job to do. Looking at that job, rather than only at the outburst, can change the way we understand our own reactions. In my experience, three purposes come up again and again. Evening the…

When we think about substance use, we often focus on the substance itself. But in my work as a counsellor, I find that a big part of what keeps people stuck is something less visible: the beliefs we develop about what a substance does for us. In this post and the short video below, I use drinking as an example, but the same ideas can apply to many kinds of substance use. How beliefs about drinking develop Many people come to rely on drinking as they form beliefs about how it supports them. Over time, those beliefs can make certain situations feel harder to face without it. Two of the most…

Most of us have a running commentary in our heads, and it tends to get loudest when something goes wrong. For some people that voice is fairly gentle. For others it is harsh, quick to judge, and surprisingly personal. In my work as a counsellor, I often find that the harshest inner voices have roots that go back to childhood. When a mistake becomes an identity Shame-based thinking is what happens when the things we do, or the things that happen to us, start to feel like statements about who we are. The shift is subtle, but it changes everything: "I made a mistake" quietly becomes "I'm a…