Let's do a check-in: Are you where you want to be in life- Financially? Romantically? Parenthood- or Career-wise?
If yes, great.
If not, what's gotten in the way? Two actions need to be practiced to get to living the life you want. First is knowing what your goal is. And that takes defining what you want and with a timeline. For example, "I'd like to own a home by the time I am 40". Or "I want to give birth to my first child before my 35th birthday." If this is easy for you, great.
If not, perhaps you haven't had enough practice exploring what you want and deciding your own goals, and with a timeline. Maybe you were an only child with controlling parents who decided what career you pursued. Or, perhaps you were the youngest of 4 kids and were schlepped along to your siblings' activities with not much opportunity to practice deciding what you want to be doing. Or, maybe you know what you want but are not assertive enough with yourself or your partner to set a timeline. Whatever the reason, the first step to making headway in life is stopping and practicing getting clarity about what you want and with a timeline.
The second step to living the life you want is to spend enough time and energy pursuing your goals. Does that sound easy? Great.
If not, and you have struggled here, you aren't alone. And it's not due to laziness. That's a self-critical thought and unlikely to be the real cause. Get curious about what actually is getting in the way of spending time on what is important to you.
Maybe it is that you are so busy orchestrating your children's lives that you aren't making time for your own goals. Or, perhaps you struggle with attention or procrastination difficulties and need help breaking down the first step so it is do-able. Or, maybe you have a fear of failure from being over-parented or growing up a perfectionist and need help feeling accepted while trying something new or hard.
If making headway on your goals was so easy you'd already be doing it. Stop shaming yourself as lazy. Rather, reframe: you aren't where you want to be because for whatever reason you have not been able to practice the skills critical to making headway. Find yourself a counsellor:
- to help unshame you,
- to get curious with you to uncover the reasons for your stuckness,
- and to help you be accountable to yourself in setting time aside to practice skills critical to living the life you want.
