I am going to say something somewhat controversial. We have very few needs in our relationships.  I might go as far as saying that we don’t need anything from our partner.   We need air to breathe and food to eat. This is the level of need. It is associated with our survival. Language is powerful. This is why when we use the word need to express what we want in relationships it has the energy of ‘must-have urgency’ behind it.  It is a demand. 

This is often hard to understand for a lot of the people I work with, so in this post I am going to go through what we mean about repair in relationships.  Let’s start by acknowledging the things we need to repair in a relationship.  That might seem obvious, but let’s lay the foundation for this.  It starts with a communication or action by your partner that leaves you hurt, disappointed, let down, frustrated, and so on.  There may be things you have both said or done during a conflict that cause both to want attention to your hurt feelings.