Enemies, Strangers, and Allies. 

Most people have experienced all three of these patterns at one time or another in their lives. 

The question is, “Which one is going to predominate in your relationship?”

 There are 3 ways that people can react when they disagree. I’m going to show how the third option can turn an argument into a more intimate, collaborative conversation.

• Read more

A Movement Psychotherapist’s Perspective on Relationships

He said, she said, she did, he did . . . .

• Read more

On the surface, trust may seem like a pretty simple feat, especially in intimate relationships. We promise our trustworthiness and our loyalty and expect it in return. We declare we are honest through and through– “You can trust me”. “I know I can trust him/her”. “Of course I trust you.” “ I trust you with my life.” “ I trust you with my most intimate secrets”.

• Read more

Relational Needs

One of the important concepts in Integrative Psychotherapy is that of Relational Needs. Relational needs are the needs that grow out of human interaction, and being aware of these needs in ourselves and in others can help develop and nurture human relationships. Being aware of these needs can also help us gain insight into the feelings, behaviours and motivations in ourselves and others.

• Read more

The pain of not being heard, or betrayed, lied to or criticized are examples of experiences from our past that become sensitivities we bring into our present relationships.

• Read more

Dealing with the discovery or disclosure of an affair is one of the most difficult issues a couple can face.  Partners struggle with feelings of anger, betrayal, hurt, confusion, and guilt.  Nothing seems certain anymore.   It feels as if the past has to be rewritten and the future seems is up in the air.  Daily activities and routines may become difficult to manage.  Partners are not sure how to interact with one another.  Feelings are running so high that it can be difficult to communicate effectively, to make decisions, or to concentrate on work or othe

• Read more

The concept of differentiation is central to the work I do with couples. In this article I provide a couple of definitions and identify the skills needed for differentiation, and some of the ways couples avoid doing this work in their relationships.

Differentiation is the active, ongoing process of defining self, revealing self, clarifying boundaries, and managing the anxiety that comes from risking either greater intimacy or potential separation.

Murray Bowen defined differentiation as the degree of resilience to the interpersonal contagion of anxiety.

• Read more